a year from now we'll all be gone
all our friends will move away
and they're going to better places
but our friends will be gone away
nothing is as it has been
and i miss your face like hell
and i guess it's just as well
but i miss your face like hell
been talking bout the way things change
and my family lives in a different state
and if you don't know what to make of this
then we will not relate
so if you don't know what to make of this
then we will not relate
rivers and roads
rivers and roads
rivers 'til i reach you
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
high and dry
sometimes you feel like your soaring, like the stars are aligned and that maybe nothing will go wrong. at least for a little while.
and then, well, you realize that you're no longer soaring and you're right back on the ground. sometimes even, underneath the ground.
i have had many disappointments in my short life span. 24 years is short to most but really long to me. so here i go, up and down and up and down and down again. can i get a break?
and i guess this is the part where i should probably include some cutesy, adventist/christian quote about how when we look to God he brings us back up again. i'm sorry i can't. i have to be honest about where i'm at right now.
i don't have the strength to have faith right now. and that is the truth.
and then, well, you realize that you're no longer soaring and you're right back on the ground. sometimes even, underneath the ground.
i have had many disappointments in my short life span. 24 years is short to most but really long to me. so here i go, up and down and up and down and down again. can i get a break?
and i guess this is the part where i should probably include some cutesy, adventist/christian quote about how when we look to God he brings us back up again. i'm sorry i can't. i have to be honest about where i'm at right now.
i don't have the strength to have faith right now. and that is the truth.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Words of wisdom
"..and so it goes for much of the pain in your life. Often you need to evolve a bit more
before you can understand a bit more."
_ Karen Salmansohn
Truth Karen, truth.
before you can understand a bit more."
_ Karen Salmansohn
Truth Karen, truth.
Monday, June 6, 2011
And so, we call a truce
I gingerly stepped out of Amanda's room this morning.
In the weeks prior, little Babooshka (as I like to call her) would greet me in the morning purring at my feet. "Cute, what a good kitty." you smile to yourself. Think again.
What would happen shortly afterwards was her attempt to have my toes for her morning snack. Or jump as high as she could to latch onto my leg, digging her claws into my skin. Or better yet, sneak up on me in the kitchen tangling herself around my legs.
"All she needs is a little love!" Nick explained with a hint of annoyance.
"You know you're bigger than her right?" Thanks Ben. I hadn't the slightest idea. -_-
And so, I loved her. Tried anyway. When she would grab at my pinky toe, I would reach down whispering softly and stroked her matted gray fur. She swatted. I put her outside.
And so two or so weeks of this pattern went on. I knew that every morning when I stepped out of Amanda's room there she would be. Waiting.
Until today. Little Babooshka was indeed in front of the door but she was lying down near her litter box. She paid no attention to me as I hastily made my way to work.
Lunch came around and I came home to prepare myself a meal. I went upstairs, waiting for her to jump on my head...nothing.
Back to work.
Work day over and I am now back home and Babooshka is right where I left her this morning. The only evidence of her movement is a puddle of something brown (perhaps the case of an upset stomach???) on the plastic mat near her loo.
Poor Babooshka, feel better soon.
Let's call a truce.
In the weeks prior, little Babooshka (as I like to call her) would greet me in the morning purring at my feet. "Cute, what a good kitty." you smile to yourself. Think again.
What would happen shortly afterwards was her attempt to have my toes for her morning snack. Or jump as high as she could to latch onto my leg, digging her claws into my skin. Or better yet, sneak up on me in the kitchen tangling herself around my legs.
"All she needs is a little love!" Nick explained with a hint of annoyance.
"You know you're bigger than her right?" Thanks Ben. I hadn't the slightest idea. -_-
And so, I loved her. Tried anyway. When she would grab at my pinky toe, I would reach down whispering softly and stroked her matted gray fur. She swatted. I put her outside.
And so two or so weeks of this pattern went on. I knew that every morning when I stepped out of Amanda's room there she would be. Waiting.
Until today. Little Babooshka was indeed in front of the door but she was lying down near her litter box. She paid no attention to me as I hastily made my way to work.
Lunch came around and I came home to prepare myself a meal. I went upstairs, waiting for her to jump on my head...nothing.
Back to work.
Work day over and I am now back home and Babooshka is right where I left her this morning. The only evidence of her movement is a puddle of something brown (perhaps the case of an upset stomach???) on the plastic mat near her loo.
Poor Babooshka, feel better soon.
Let's call a truce.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
a good year.
friend
noun
1 a close friend: companion, soul mate, intimate, confidante, confidant, familiar, alter ego, second self, playmate, playfellow, classmate, schoolmate, workmate; ally, associate; sister, brother; best friend, kindred spirit, bosom buddy, bosom friend; informal pal, chum, sidekick, crony, main man, mate, buddy, bud, amigo, compadre, homeboy, homegirl, homie; archaic compeer.
There are quite a few words that describe being a friend. I have a few favorites: second self is one. A friend that is almost like an extension of yourself almost. You're alike in many ways and yet very different in others. Informal pal is another. I like that because in my true friendships there are no formalities. We are who we are, flaws and all. That can be scary at times. No one likes the possibility of being rejected. Yet, here we are. All of us. After everything, we're still here.
This year I laughed and cried, got into mischief, let down my hair, strayed and came back as I grew with people I never thought I'd be this close to. And, I was real. I was me. They're still here. I'm still here. It worked out quite nicely. No one's perfect, I've learned that. It all comes down to choosing who to love. I've chosen.
Photos by Ricky Oliveras
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin
noun
1 a close friend: companion, soul mate, intimate, confidante, confidant, familiar, alter ego, second self, playmate, playfellow, classmate, schoolmate, workmate; ally, associate; sister, brother; best friend, kindred spirit, bosom buddy, bosom friend; informal pal, chum, sidekick, crony, main man, mate, buddy, bud, amigo, compadre, homeboy, homegirl, homie; archaic compeer.
There are quite a few words that describe being a friend. I have a few favorites: second self is one. A friend that is almost like an extension of yourself almost. You're alike in many ways and yet very different in others. Informal pal is another. I like that because in my true friendships there are no formalities. We are who we are, flaws and all. That can be scary at times. No one likes the possibility of being rejected. Yet, here we are. All of us. After everything, we're still here.
This year I laughed and cried, got into mischief, let down my hair, strayed and came back as I grew with people I never thought I'd be this close to. And, I was real. I was me. They're still here. I'm still here. It worked out quite nicely. No one's perfect, I've learned that. It all comes down to choosing who to love. I've chosen.
Photos by Ricky Oliveras
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Your heart soars.
You're passionate.
You want to help.
You want to be in the forefront. You don't mind missing out on the white picket fence and the SUV.
People are dying.
You have the means.
People are hurting.
Love them then.
The U.S.
Overseas.
Your backyard.
The kid in the next neighborhood.
Open up your mind.
Love, love, love with everything.
Think. Ponder. Ask.
Keep fighting.
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit" - Aristotle
You're passionate.
You want to help.
You want to be in the forefront. You don't mind missing out on the white picket fence and the SUV.
People are dying.
You have the means.
People are hurting.
Love them then.
The U.S.
Overseas.
Your backyard.
The kid in the next neighborhood.
Open up your mind.
Love, love, love with everything.
Think. Ponder. Ask.
Keep fighting.
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit" - Aristotle
Monday, April 11, 2011
I want this
“a Bible that’s falling apart usually belongs to someone who isn’t”
-Charles Spurgeon
I found this quote on friends tumblr and wanted to repost this. Is this really true?
Somehow, I'd like to think that it is. Guess I better get to work.
-Charles Spurgeon
I found this quote on friends tumblr and wanted to repost this. Is this really true?
Somehow, I'd like to think that it is. Guess I better get to work.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
up and at 'em!
Something has re-awakened itself within me. Giddy feeling? maybe. Sheer joy to be honest. I have done my very best to run from certain things in my life. Positions, and various opportunities. No more running. I let Him catch me. I'm ready to move forward, He's been preparing me. I am fully aware that I am not perfect and that I'll make mistakes. I'm also fully aware that it won't be as easy as pie (never understood that saying, how is pie easy?!) and that sometimes I'll want to throw in the towel, doubt myself and doubt why He's chosen me.
Life can be so difficult sometimes. Authenticity can be so hard to find in others, especially in myself. But, He's willing! Praise God! He is willing to wait for me to figure it out and when I don't he gives me a little nudge (a big one usually...often.).
Praise God! Praise God! PRAISE GOD!
Alright, so I'm a little excited. Okay, Okay I'm ALOT excited because God is SO good and I'd forgotten for awhile but finally remembered.
Thank goodness for remembering.
Life can be so difficult sometimes. Authenticity can be so hard to find in others, especially in myself. But, He's willing! Praise God! He is willing to wait for me to figure it out and when I don't he gives me a little nudge (a big one usually...often.).
Praise God! Praise God! PRAISE GOD!
Alright, so I'm a little excited. Okay, Okay I'm ALOT excited because God is SO good and I'd forgotten for awhile but finally remembered.
Thank goodness for remembering.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
Qui craint de souffrir, il souffre déjà de ce qu'il craint. -La Fontaine
Fear. Of suffering.
Fear. an unpleasant emotion caused by
the belief that someone
or something is dangerous,
likely to cause pain, or a threat
Fear.
I think La Fontaine put it nicely: Qui craint de souffrir, il souffre déjà de ce qu'il craint.
Translation: He who fears suffering is already suffering that which he fears.
Fear. an unpleasant emotion caused by
the belief that someone
or something is dangerous,
likely to cause pain, or a threat
Fear.
I think La Fontaine put it nicely: Qui craint de souffrir, il souffre déjà de ce qu'il craint.
Translation: He who fears suffering is already suffering that which he fears.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
hair's the story...
a year ago, during the month of February, I chopped off all my hair. Ok, almost off. I wasn't completely bald, but it was pretty short.
Here's my life goal:
Or maybe this?
think I can do it?!
I'd really like to try :]
Sunday, February 20, 2011
word spew.
lowlights. dreams. electronic. violin. hearts soar. dadaism.
passion. tell them your story. exploration. off-beat. echo.
open up your heart. God. purpose. pushing the envelope.
guitar.drums.dare to try. dare to be. inspired. idealism.
quintessential. harmonies. raise your voice. compassion.
poetry. against the grain. unlike any other. fully inspired.
plainspeak. brilliant. inspiring.
Friday, December 17, 2010
deer.
I just shared a really magical moment with Tara, on our way home tonight. Coincidentally the last night I'll be seeing her for awhile.
As I was pulling up to the "Lodge", we were met in the middle of the road by a pack of deer. I mean the whole family! Mom and all 5 of the children it seemed like.
The last little guy was a little hesitant to cross the driveway, so I turned off my lights and after a few moments of reflection, he gingerly stepped onto the driveway, then hastily made his way down the hill, into the woods somewhere.
"Magical" we breathed.
Tara, I'm glad we got to share that precious moment together. I'll miss you.
As I was pulling up to the "Lodge", we were met in the middle of the road by a pack of deer. I mean the whole family! Mom and all 5 of the children it seemed like.
The last little guy was a little hesitant to cross the driveway, so I turned off my lights and after a few moments of reflection, he gingerly stepped onto the driveway, then hastily made his way down the hill, into the woods somewhere.
"Magical" we breathed.
Tara, I'm glad we got to share that precious moment together. I'll miss you.
Monday, December 13, 2010
There's so much pain in the world.
Wars and political corruption, lack of trust and broken hearts make up our history here.
Nihilistic hearts cry out to nothing, care for nothing, love nothing.
Post-modern views of no absolutes govern our thoughts.
Noise, so much noise.
Where are you God?
As I sit here and contemplate over the semester coming to a close, I realize that I am a few steps closer to finishing this chapter in my life and beginning another. But what do you want from me? How can I contribute?
Where are you God?
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
- Joshua 1:9
"I never left" He said.
Wars and political corruption, lack of trust and broken hearts make up our history here.
Nihilistic hearts cry out to nothing, care for nothing, love nothing.
Post-modern views of no absolutes govern our thoughts.
Noise, so much noise.
Where are you God?
As I sit here and contemplate over the semester coming to a close, I realize that I am a few steps closer to finishing this chapter in my life and beginning another. But what do you want from me? How can I contribute?
Where are you God?
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
- Joshua 1:9
"I never left" He said.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
venus and mars
It's saturday night and I'm studying.
lame.
Today was spent with friends, lot's of laughing and a venus and mars session that made me think.
What did I think about you ask? Well everything really, but I'll simplify it for you.
1. Even though most of my friends are married or engaged, a lot of us aren't and that's okay.
2. This generation is not as mature as previous ones because of the "silver spoon" society we live in today.
3. I really miss being in a relationship.
4. I'm kinda glad I'm not in a relationship.
5. I'm realizing more and more how young I am. I've got dreams, I've got goals. I'd like to achieve them.
6. Maybe I'd like to achieve them with a special someone though?
7. By the time my mom was my age, I was already born. A year an a half later, my sister entered the world. YIKES!
8. More college aged girls are starting to date guys younger than them. 5 up and five down apparently.
9. Where does God fit in all of this? I don't believe that there is only ONE person in the entire world that is meant for me.
10. I don't have a tenth thought. I've just wasted 2.5 seconds of your time. Sorry.
I guess I have a lot to think about. I am glad though that I have friends who are so willing to be vulnerable and candid in our discussions about the opposite sex. I think that if I ever have children, I will tell them about my experiences with venus and mars. I'll be truthful with them about everything I've learned, and encourage them to seek the Lord's guidance in these matters.
Somehow I think I want to be more intentional about my relationships. I want to cherish them all and not worry about whether or not I'll find my soulmate one day. I'll worry about doing His work and let Him worry about this.
Now if only I could let go and let Him...
lame.
Today was spent with friends, lot's of laughing and a venus and mars session that made me think.
What did I think about you ask? Well everything really, but I'll simplify it for you.
1. Even though most of my friends are married or engaged, a lot of us aren't and that's okay.
2. This generation is not as mature as previous ones because of the "silver spoon" society we live in today.
3. I really miss being in a relationship.
4. I'm kinda glad I'm not in a relationship.
5. I'm realizing more and more how young I am. I've got dreams, I've got goals. I'd like to achieve them.
6. Maybe I'd like to achieve them with a special someone though?
7. By the time my mom was my age, I was already born. A year an a half later, my sister entered the world. YIKES!
8. More college aged girls are starting to date guys younger than them. 5 up and five down apparently.
9. Where does God fit in all of this? I don't believe that there is only ONE person in the entire world that is meant for me.
10. I don't have a tenth thought. I've just wasted 2.5 seconds of your time. Sorry.
I guess I have a lot to think about. I am glad though that I have friends who are so willing to be vulnerable and candid in our discussions about the opposite sex. I think that if I ever have children, I will tell them about my experiences with venus and mars. I'll be truthful with them about everything I've learned, and encourage them to seek the Lord's guidance in these matters.
Somehow I think I want to be more intentional about my relationships. I want to cherish them all and not worry about whether or not I'll find my soulmate one day. I'll worry about doing His work and let Him worry about this.
Now if only I could let go and let Him...
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
oh the things we do, with the people we love...
Thanksgiving break was so much fun.
Why, you ask?
The food, seeing my family, sleeping in, AND...
Well because when my darling sister and I get together, who knows what's bound to happen.
Why, you ask?
The food, seeing my family, sleeping in, AND...
Well because when my darling sister and I get together, who knows what's bound to happen.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
c'est fini.
tous que j'ai. c'est fini
l'amour que j'avais. c'est fini
les plans que j'ai composés. fini.
pourquoi tu demande?
parce-ce que Dieu á un autre plan pour moi.
je cesserai de parler. je vais écouté.
l'amour que j'avais. c'est fini
les plans que j'ai composés. fini.
pourquoi tu demande?
parce-ce que Dieu á un autre plan pour moi.
je cesserai de parler. je vais écouté.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
a girl, a camera, and a nature walk
There's a crispness in the air.
The sun shines brightly on my face,
leaves crumpling underneath my feet.
The trees sway in a melodic idiosyncrasy,
the wind whispering wood secrets.
I sway with them, my eyes closed, laced
with an iota of light.
The melancholy weather, teasing day after day
tugs on my delighted heart.
It makes me want to sing.
Sing in joy.
Sing in sadness.
"I will sing of the works of your hands"
Even while it rains,
even while it's bright,
"I will sing the works of your hands"
"Nature Walk"
Naudline Pierre
Photo by: Amiel
The sun shines brightly on my face,
leaves crumpling underneath my feet.
The trees sway in a melodic idiosyncrasy,
the wind whispering wood secrets.
I sway with them, my eyes closed, laced
with an iota of light.
The melancholy weather, teasing day after day
tugs on my delighted heart.
It makes me want to sing.
Sing in joy.
Sing in sadness.
"I will sing of the works of your hands"
Even while it rains,
even while it's bright,
"I will sing the works of your hands"
"Nature Walk"
Naudline Pierre
Photo by: Amiel
Thursday, October 28, 2010
a talk and some tofu
I had a little meltdown the other day.
I am so grateful that I have friends who will listen to me talk in circles, watch me fight back tears, release them reluctantly, and start the whole process all over again.
I am just so dang grateful and appreciative.
oh yeah, the tofu and asparagus we had for dinner was good too. :]
I am so grateful that I have friends who will listen to me talk in circles, watch me fight back tears, release them reluctantly, and start the whole process all over again.
I am just so dang grateful and appreciative.
oh yeah, the tofu and asparagus we had for dinner was good too. :]
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