a talk and some tofu

I had a little meltdown the other day.
I am so grateful that I have friends who will listen to me talk in circles, watch me fight back tears, release them reluctantly, and start the whole process all over again.

I am just so dang grateful and appreciative.

oh yeah, the tofu and asparagus we had for dinner was good too. :]

ghetto.

ghetto |ˈgetō|
noun ( pl. -tos or -toes)
a part of a city, esp. a slum area, occupied by a minority group or groups.
• historical the Jewish quarter in a city : the Warsaw Ghetto.
• an isolated or segregated group or area : the relative security of the gay ghetto.
verb ( -toes, -toed) [ trans. ]
put in or restrict to an isolated or segregated area or group.

Not a watch, or a belt, or beat up looking car, or even an IMAX theatre with crummy seats.

I've always heard this term used loosely and it never did sit with well with me.
And no, it's not because I'm black.


The ghetto is a place where minorities are forced to live due to their economic status. The ghetto is a dangerous place where thousands of lives are lost and people are forced to be a part of a vicious cycle. Some are able to escape the harsh conditions, incumbent stereotypes, but many live and die there, not knowing any other way of life.

Our generation today uses terms and words loosely without really taking into consideration the gravity of the situations that took place behind certain words. Here are some of my favorites. Not.

"ghetto"
"Nigger"
"Nigga" - I don't care what people say, it's still derogatory even when you drop the "r"
"that's gay"
"no homo"
"stupid"
"you're racist!"

Ok, so there are many more words that could be put into this list, but I hope the idea comes across. I know it's something that I've been struggling with. I believe that words are really powerful. So, what is it that I'm really saying when I speak?

faithful

There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave
i wave my arms' round about me and blow with all my might
I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here
But the comfort of you near is what i long for

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear everyword I pray
And i want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
i still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right
So i whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tounge,
knowing you're the only one who knows me
You know me

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear everyword I pray
And i want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want
You are all I want

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear everyword I pray
And i want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

Thank you, Brooke Fraser.

miss her.

This is my sister Naudz.
Naudz is short for Naudline.
She's always been the cooler sister. I'm okay with that.



Today, I was thinking about how proud I am of her.
She's so creative and beautiful, inside and out. I think that's a great combination.
She inspires me. So, I'm going to share her awesomeness with the world.

This is a decorative mug that she made:


And a vase...


some photography:
It's called, "Motion"



and this my friends, is sitting proudly, soon to be hung, in my room:



Love that kid.

just a push

"People, including myself, have a opinion of you and respect you, at least everyone I know. And you're a leader, up front. That's how I remember it. Anway, that's cool. It seems like weaknesses become strengths at some point."

thanks Scott for the reminder. sometimes I forget.

mademoiselle ludine

I'm just a simple girl.
I'm just a complicated girl.

What kind of person am I?

Who cares? I do.

Going to Europe was supposed to fix this, but it didn't.
Man, I'm really putting myself out there right now.
So many questions not answered.

My eyes fill with tears whenever I see an elderly person painfully crossing the street by themselves.
I love wearing flats.
I really enjoy making new friends and meeting new people.
I often envision myself living in a busy city, living a bohemian life. Just for a little while.
It is a given that I sometimes talk in circles, making it difficult for people to understand me.
I'd like to go overseas and help out somewhere. I'd also like to help people here. Mainly the elderly, but anyone will do.
My favorite colors are green and purple.
I like to dance to King of Convenience's "I'd Rather Dance With You" in my room, by myself, always.
I really like to learn about all people and cultures. Languages fascinate me.
Softball is my preferred sport to play.
I'm a ESTJ.
Sundresses in the summer are my favorite.
I really admire my friends for their accomplishments in life. They inspire me and I'm grateful.
Music is my second skin.
God is my friend.
One day, I'd like to live in the country, live off the land, and maybe own a horse.



I'm a complicated girl.
I'm a simple girl.

He's still working. I'm going to let Him.





Leslie Woodard Photography

ilovemountains.org

This guy is legit.

My sister came to visit from Andrews this weekend, which happened to be during the time of the chickstock fair, at Greenway Park. Ben Sollee, as well as other artists were in the area for a concert. Nestled inbetween two mountains and the Chickamauga Dam, a stage was set up and various musicians came up and shared their talents.

The previous week, Yora my roommate, and I were listening to his stuff on Youtube. Yora had just discovered him online, we like to search for new music, and she shared her findings with me.

So here we are, at the Chickamauga Dam excited that we get to see this guy sing.
Then, this guy opened his mouth. I had goose bumps from the first song until the last.
I love music, and being a strings player myself, have a great appreciation for new, innovative ways of playing stringed instruments. His style is folk, a little jazzy and soulful, and just plain GOOD. He really knows how to make you feel good with his touching lyrics, and dynamic style of playing.

Not to mention that he is supporting a worthy cause and raising awareness for Mountaintop removal. Apparently here in America there has been excessive mountaintop removal with the blowing up of mountain tops to access coal faster. It's polluting the streams and lakes that come from the Appalachia's and causing problems for those that live in the mountains. If you'd like to find out more info, check out ilovemountains.org.

Anyway, Ben Sollee is legit. Check him out.

Ache.

Today I am reminded that my heart still aches.
Today I am reminded that all the pain and hurtful memories are still there.
Today I am reminded that the colossal amount of work that went into loving someone, and was forgotten, can reappear.
Today I am reminded that the pain I went through, is the joy of someone else.

I'm not sure what to make of that.