high and dry

sometimes you feel like your soaring, like the stars are aligned and that maybe nothing will go wrong. at least for a little while.

and then, well, you realize that you're no longer soaring and you're right back on the ground. sometimes even, underneath the ground.

i have had many disappointments in my short life span. 24 years is short to most but really long to me. so here i go, up and down and up and down and down again. can i get a break?

and i guess this is the part where i should probably include some cutesy, adventist/christian quote about how when we look to God he brings us back up again. i'm sorry i can't. i have to be honest about where i'm at right now.

i don't have the strength to have faith right now. and that is the truth.

Words of wisdom

"..and so it goes for much of the pain in your life. Often you need to evolve a bit more
before you can understand a bit more."

_ Karen Salmansohn

Truth Karen, truth.

And so, we call a truce

I gingerly stepped out of Amanda's room this morning.

In the weeks prior, little Babooshka (as I like to call her) would greet me in the morning purring at my feet. "Cute, what a good kitty." you smile to yourself. Think again.
What would happen shortly afterwards was her attempt to have my toes for her morning snack. Or jump as high as she could to latch onto my leg, digging her claws into my skin. Or better yet, sneak up on me in the kitchen tangling herself around my legs.

"All she needs is a little love!" Nick explained with a hint of annoyance.

"You know you're bigger than her right?" Thanks Ben. I hadn't the slightest idea. -_-

And so, I loved her. Tried anyway. When she would grab at my pinky toe, I would reach down whispering softly and stroked her matted gray fur. She swatted. I put her outside.

And so two or so weeks of this pattern went on. I knew that every morning when I stepped out of Amanda's room there she would be. Waiting.

Until today. Little Babooshka was indeed in front of the door but she was lying down near her litter box. She paid no attention to me as I hastily made my way to work.
Lunch came around and I came home to prepare myself a meal. I went upstairs, waiting for her to jump on my head...nothing.

Back to work.

Work day over and I am now back home and Babooshka is right where I left her this morning. The only evidence of her movement is a puddle of something brown (perhaps the case of an upset stomach???) on the plastic mat near her loo.


Poor Babooshka, feel better soon.

Let's call a truce.

a good year.

friend
noun
1 a close friend: companion, soul mate, intimate, confidante, confidant, familiar, alter ego, second self, playmate, playfellow, classmate, schoolmate, workmate; ally, associate; sister, brother; best friend, kindred spirit, bosom buddy, bosom friend; informal pal, chum, sidekick, crony, main man, mate, buddy, bud, amigo, compadre, homeboy, homegirl, homie; archaic compeer.

There are quite a few words that describe being a friend. I have a few favorites: second self is one. A friend that is almost like an extension of yourself almost. You're alike in many ways and yet very different in others. Informal pal is another. I like that because in my true friendships there are no formalities. We are who we are, flaws and all. That can be scary at times. No one likes the possibility of being rejected. Yet, here we are. All of us. After everything, we're still here.

This year I laughed and cried, got into mischief, let down my hair, strayed and came back as I grew with people I never thought I'd be this close to. And, I was real. I was me. They're still here. I'm still here. It worked out quite nicely. No one's perfect, I've learned that. It all comes down to choosing who to love. I've chosen.






Photos by Ricky Oliveras


"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

Your heart soars.
You're passionate.
You want to help.
You want to be in the forefront. You don't mind missing out on the white picket fence and the SUV.
People are dying.
You have the means.
People are hurting.
Love them then.

The U.S.
Overseas.
Your backyard.
The kid in the next neighborhood.
Open up your mind.
Love, love, love with everything.
Think. Ponder. Ask.
Keep fighting.


"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit" - Aristotle

I want this

“a Bible that’s falling apart usually belongs to someone who isn’t”
-Charles Spurgeon

I found this quote on friends tumblr and wanted to repost this. Is this really true?

Somehow, I'd like to think that it is. Guess I better get to work.

up and at 'em!

Something has re-awakened itself within me. Giddy feeling? maybe. Sheer joy to be honest. I have done my very best to run from certain things in my life. Positions, and various opportunities. No more running. I let Him catch me. I'm ready to move forward, He's been preparing me. I am fully aware that I am not perfect and that I'll make mistakes. I'm also fully aware that it won't be as easy as pie (never understood that saying, how is pie easy?!) and that sometimes I'll want to throw in the towel, doubt myself and doubt why He's chosen me.

Life can be so difficult sometimes. Authenticity can be so hard to find in others, especially in myself. But, He's willing! Praise God! He is willing to wait for me to figure it out and when I don't he gives me a little nudge (a big one usually...often.).

Praise God! Praise God! PRAISE GOD!

Alright, so I'm a little excited. Okay, Okay I'm ALOT excited because God is SO good and I'd forgotten for awhile but finally remembered.

Thank goodness for remembering.

Sometimes, you just got to smile somethin' fierce.

Qui craint de souffrir, il souffre déjà de ce qu'il craint. -La Fontaine

Fear. Of suffering.

Fear. an unpleasant emotion caused by
the belief that someone
or something is dangerous,
likely to cause pain, or a threat

Fear.

I think La Fontaine put it nicely: Qui craint de souffrir, il souffre déjà de ce qu'il craint.
Translation: He who fears suffering is already suffering that which he fears.

hair's the story...

a year ago, during the month of February, I chopped off all my hair. Ok, almost off. I wasn't completely bald, but it was pretty short.

Here's my life goal:



Or maybe this?



think I can do it?!

I'd really like to try :]

word spew.

lowlights. dreams. electronic. violin. hearts soar. dadaism.
passion. tell them your story. exploration. off-beat. echo.
open up your heart. God. purpose. pushing the envelope.
guitar.drums.dare to try. dare to be. inspired. idealism.
quintessential. harmonies. raise your voice. compassion.
poetry. against the grain. unlike any other. fully inspired.


plainspeak. brilliant. inspiring.