deer.

I just shared a really magical moment with Tara, on our way home tonight. Coincidentally the last night I'll be seeing her for awhile.

As I was pulling up to the "Lodge", we were met in the middle of the road by a pack of deer. I mean the whole family! Mom and all 5 of the children it seemed like.

The last little guy was a little hesitant to cross the driveway, so I turned off my lights and after a few moments of reflection, he gingerly stepped onto the driveway, then hastily made his way down the hill, into the woods somewhere.

"Magical" we breathed.

Tara, I'm glad we got to share that precious moment together. I'll miss you.

There's so much pain in the world.
Wars and political corruption, lack of trust and broken hearts make up our history here.
Nihilistic hearts cry out to nothing, care for nothing, love nothing.
Post-modern views of no absolutes govern our thoughts.
Noise, so much noise.

Where are you God?

As I sit here and contemplate over the semester coming to a close, I realize that I am a few steps closer to finishing this chapter in my life and beginning another. But what do you want from me? How can I contribute?

Where are you God?


"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

- Joshua 1:9

"I never left" He said.

venus and mars

It's saturday night and I'm studying.
lame.

Today was spent with friends, lot's of laughing and a venus and mars session that made me think.
What did I think about you ask? Well everything really, but I'll simplify it for you.

1. Even though most of my friends are married or engaged, a lot of us aren't and that's okay.

2. This generation is not as mature as previous ones because of the "silver spoon" society we live in today.

3. I really miss being in a relationship.

4. I'm kinda glad I'm not in a relationship.

5. I'm realizing more and more how young I am. I've got dreams, I've got goals. I'd like to achieve them.

6. Maybe I'd like to achieve them with a special someone though?

7. By the time my mom was my age, I was already born. A year an a half later, my sister entered the world. YIKES!

8. More college aged girls are starting to date guys younger than them. 5 up and five down apparently.

9. Where does God fit in all of this? I don't believe that there is only ONE person in the entire world that is meant for me.

10. I don't have a tenth thought. I've just wasted 2.5 seconds of your time. Sorry.

I guess I have a lot to think about. I am glad though that I have friends who are so willing to be vulnerable and candid in our discussions about the opposite sex. I think that if I ever have children, I will tell them about my experiences with venus and mars. I'll be truthful with them about everything I've learned, and encourage them to seek the Lord's guidance in these matters.

Somehow I think I want to be more intentional about my relationships. I want to cherish them all and not worry about whether or not I'll find my soulmate one day. I'll worry about doing His work and let Him worry about this.

Now if only I could let go and let Him...

oh the things we do, with the people we love...

Thanksgiving break was so much fun.
Why, you ask?
The food, seeing my family, sleeping in, AND...
Well because when my darling sister and I get together, who knows what's bound to happen.

Life...

man ALIVE, is life difficult!

c'est fini.

tous que j'ai. c'est fini
l'amour que j'avais. c'est fini
les plans que j'ai composés. fini.
pourquoi tu demande?

parce-ce que Dieu á un autre plan pour moi.
je cesserai de parler. je vais écouté.

a girl, a camera, and a nature walk

There's a crispness in the air.
The sun shines brightly on my face,
leaves crumpling underneath my feet.

The trees sway in a melodic idiosyncrasy,
the wind whispering wood secrets.
I sway with them, my eyes closed, laced
with an iota of light.

The melancholy weather, teasing day after day
tugs on my delighted heart.
It makes me want to sing.
Sing in joy.
Sing in sadness.

"I will sing of the works of your hands"

Even while it rains,
even while it's bright,

"I will sing the works of your hands"



"Nature Walk"

Naudline Pierre

Photo by: Amiel

a talk and some tofu

I had a little meltdown the other day.
I am so grateful that I have friends who will listen to me talk in circles, watch me fight back tears, release them reluctantly, and start the whole process all over again.

I am just so dang grateful and appreciative.

oh yeah, the tofu and asparagus we had for dinner was good too. :]

ghetto.

ghetto |ˈgetō|
noun ( pl. -tos or -toes)
a part of a city, esp. a slum area, occupied by a minority group or groups.
• historical the Jewish quarter in a city : the Warsaw Ghetto.
• an isolated or segregated group or area : the relative security of the gay ghetto.
verb ( -toes, -toed) [ trans. ]
put in or restrict to an isolated or segregated area or group.

Not a watch, or a belt, or beat up looking car, or even an IMAX theatre with crummy seats.

I've always heard this term used loosely and it never did sit with well with me.
And no, it's not because I'm black.


The ghetto is a place where minorities are forced to live due to their economic status. The ghetto is a dangerous place where thousands of lives are lost and people are forced to be a part of a vicious cycle. Some are able to escape the harsh conditions, incumbent stereotypes, but many live and die there, not knowing any other way of life.

Our generation today uses terms and words loosely without really taking into consideration the gravity of the situations that took place behind certain words. Here are some of my favorites. Not.

"ghetto"
"Nigger"
"Nigga" - I don't care what people say, it's still derogatory even when you drop the "r"
"that's gay"
"no homo"
"stupid"
"you're racist!"

Ok, so there are many more words that could be put into this list, but I hope the idea comes across. I know it's something that I've been struggling with. I believe that words are really powerful. So, what is it that I'm really saying when I speak?

faithful

There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave
i wave my arms' round about me and blow with all my might
I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here
But the comfort of you near is what i long for

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear everyword I pray
And i want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
i still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right
So i whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tounge,
knowing you're the only one who knows me
You know me

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear everyword I pray
And i want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want
You are all I want

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear everyword I pray
And i want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

Thank you, Brooke Fraser.

miss her.

This is my sister Naudz.
Naudz is short for Naudline.
She's always been the cooler sister. I'm okay with that.



Today, I was thinking about how proud I am of her.
She's so creative and beautiful, inside and out. I think that's a great combination.
She inspires me. So, I'm going to share her awesomeness with the world.

This is a decorative mug that she made:


And a vase...


some photography:
It's called, "Motion"



and this my friends, is sitting proudly, soon to be hung, in my room:



Love that kid.

just a push

"People, including myself, have a opinion of you and respect you, at least everyone I know. And you're a leader, up front. That's how I remember it. Anway, that's cool. It seems like weaknesses become strengths at some point."

thanks Scott for the reminder. sometimes I forget.

mademoiselle ludine

I'm just a simple girl.
I'm just a complicated girl.

What kind of person am I?

Who cares? I do.

Going to Europe was supposed to fix this, but it didn't.
Man, I'm really putting myself out there right now.
So many questions not answered.

My eyes fill with tears whenever I see an elderly person painfully crossing the street by themselves.
I love wearing flats.
I really enjoy making new friends and meeting new people.
I often envision myself living in a busy city, living a bohemian life. Just for a little while.
It is a given that I sometimes talk in circles, making it difficult for people to understand me.
I'd like to go overseas and help out somewhere. I'd also like to help people here. Mainly the elderly, but anyone will do.
My favorite colors are green and purple.
I like to dance to King of Convenience's "I'd Rather Dance With You" in my room, by myself, always.
I really like to learn about all people and cultures. Languages fascinate me.
Softball is my preferred sport to play.
I'm a ESTJ.
Sundresses in the summer are my favorite.
I really admire my friends for their accomplishments in life. They inspire me and I'm grateful.
Music is my second skin.
God is my friend.
One day, I'd like to live in the country, live off the land, and maybe own a horse.



I'm a complicated girl.
I'm a simple girl.

He's still working. I'm going to let Him.





Leslie Woodard Photography

ilovemountains.org

This guy is legit.

My sister came to visit from Andrews this weekend, which happened to be during the time of the chickstock fair, at Greenway Park. Ben Sollee, as well as other artists were in the area for a concert. Nestled inbetween two mountains and the Chickamauga Dam, a stage was set up and various musicians came up and shared their talents.

The previous week, Yora my roommate, and I were listening to his stuff on Youtube. Yora had just discovered him online, we like to search for new music, and she shared her findings with me.

So here we are, at the Chickamauga Dam excited that we get to see this guy sing.
Then, this guy opened his mouth. I had goose bumps from the first song until the last.
I love music, and being a strings player myself, have a great appreciation for new, innovative ways of playing stringed instruments. His style is folk, a little jazzy and soulful, and just plain GOOD. He really knows how to make you feel good with his touching lyrics, and dynamic style of playing.

Not to mention that he is supporting a worthy cause and raising awareness for Mountaintop removal. Apparently here in America there has been excessive mountaintop removal with the blowing up of mountain tops to access coal faster. It's polluting the streams and lakes that come from the Appalachia's and causing problems for those that live in the mountains. If you'd like to find out more info, check out ilovemountains.org.

Anyway, Ben Sollee is legit. Check him out.

Ache.

Today I am reminded that my heart still aches.
Today I am reminded that all the pain and hurtful memories are still there.
Today I am reminded that the colossal amount of work that went into loving someone, and was forgotten, can reappear.
Today I am reminded that the pain I went through, is the joy of someone else.

I'm not sure what to make of that.

late bloomer

Remember that kid in your class that was the last to leave the bathroom during breaks because they took so long? The whole class waited on them outside and groaned as minutes from their recess time passed by. (might've been me on several occasions)
or maybe the person that's always the last to finish their food at the restaurant? (also me)

I have just recently discovered that I am always the last to know about things or learn special skills. Like after four years of playing softball, I finally know, get and understand the rules! or how I'm learning to be more resourceful and make my own clothes; okay, okay just crocheting scarves is my goal, but it's a start right?!!

I think that's quite alright though, it's like I acquired all this knowledge right when I needed it. Often times it can be stressful but when I piece certain pieces of information together and it actually makes sense, it's very liberating.

The good thing about being a "late bloomer" is that if you're lucky enough, you'll come into contact with some pretty amazing people that can teach you things about their stirring findings. Luckily for me, I have amazing friends like that.

The other night at Tara's, their was an excited discussion about an author, Malcom Gladwell who supposedly is a great writer. I keep hearing great things about his books. I haven't read a good book in a long while. I think I'll read one of Gladwell's.

I'm learning a lot, the more and more I spend time with them. I rather like it.

I'll go back someday...

Somewhere I kinda wish I could be right now...





I remember this day. Austin and I had been walking for what seemed like a lifetime through Paris. We got lost, walked in circles and even got distracted by some guy at Le Sacre Coeur with his floating, glass balls. We were determined to find it. Oh, and when we did...I remember tears came to my eyes (yes, real ones) and it hit me that one of my dreams had come true.
When I was younger I made a bucket list, and seeing the Eiffel Tower was on my list. So, there it was towering above us. All we could do was drink it in. To be honest, the tower is nothing pretty and sparkly (unless it's night time) but just the thought of a man who had an idea, who convinced the people of France to believe in his idea, and who succeeded in bringing his idea to life was awesome. I was so happy to be a part of it.

It's encouraging and exciting to meet goals. So I'll set another; someday, I WILL go back to the place that captured my heart and fascinated my mind.

"quit your worship charades."

"Quit your worship charades.
I can't stand your trivial religious games:
Monthly conferences, weekly Sabbaths, special meetings--
meetings, meetings, meetings--I can't stand one more!
Meetings for this, meetings for that. I hate them!
You've worn me out!
I'm sick of your religion, religion, religion,
while you go right on sinning.
When you put on your next prayer-performance,
I'll be looking the other way.
No matter how long or loud or often you pray,
I'll not be listening.
And do you know why? Because you've been tearing people to pieces, and your hands are bloody.
Go home and wash up.
Clean up your act.
Sweep your lives clean of your evildoings
so I don't have to look at them any longer.
Say no to wrong.
Learn to do good.
Help the down-and-out.
Stand up for the homeless.
Go to bat for the defenseless."

Isaiah 1.13-17

I was just spending sometime with the Word and this passage hit me like a ton of bricks. It spoke in volumes regarding some issues I've been struggling with lately. I wasn't going to read from the Message, but something told me to grab it, so I did.
So glad I did.

summer to date

I mentioned before that my summer has been a hectic one, but I'm still enjoying myself nonetheless.
One of my favorite adventures from this summer was finally going to the beach after a year!



Camp was a different format this year and took some getting used to but I was able to learn a lot, rekindle old friendships and discover new ones.











I had a friend from France, Aurélie, visit for a month and we discovered Miami together. Art museums, the beach, restaurants, and of course a little shopping.








GC was pretty hectic. There were sooo many adventists. I saw a lot of people, but didn't see that many at all...






Summertime is great! I wish it could last all year... It will soon come to a close though and I'll return back up to Southern filled with new insight, hopefully being refreshed, and ready to tackle new adventures!

home

home |hōm|
noun
1 the place where one lives permanently, esp. as a member of a family or household
• the family or social unit occupying such a place : he came from a good home and was well educated.
• a house or an apartment considered as a commercial property : low-cost homes for first-time buyers.
• a place where something flourishes, is most typically found, or from which it originates : Piedmont is the home of Italy's finest red wines.
• informal a place where an object is kept.
2 an institution for people needing professional care or supervision : an old people's home.
3 Sports the goal or end point.


For a year, I have called France my home. A spacious room on the second floor of a girls dorm on the campus of Collonges. I ate, slept, fellowshipped and grew in this home. Although I would miss the familiarities of my life in the U.S, my little european styled room was my home.

And now I'm back.

It's been a month since I've been back and everything has been happening fairly quickly:
June 8th-- Miss my flight from Geneva to the States. Epic fail. And not on my part. (ugly debate with a mean french guy airport worker)
June 9th- -Sleep for a few hours then my best friend Silvi drives me to Camp Kulaqua to work.
June 10-June 27-- I realize that coming to camp late really sucks, you miss out on crucial bonding with staff. But I learned a whole lot and realized that God was trying to humble me in so many ways. Working at camp for many years got me accustomed to the same people running the "show" because they did it so well. I had to get used to new people contributing and realized that everyone has to be given a chance. We all start somewhere.
Camp didn't go exactly how I planned but like I said, I still learned something from it all.
June 28--Got a well deserved and needed pedi with my sister and Fern, then prepared for my six hour drive down to miami.
If you weren't aware before, my father is a Pastor and the conference moved our family to Miami while I was abroad.
My french friend Aurélie has come to visit. I picked her up from the MIA airport and we headed home.
June 29--Washed clothes and repacked for GC.
June 30--Drove to Atlanta, Georgia for the General Conference. Had a blast seeing people from my past.
July 4-- Drove back down to Miami. Watched fireworks in the car on the way down.
July 6--Drove back up to Orlando to see some friends for a couple days. Serious nostalgia kicked in as I visited my old home, high school and my favorite spots in O-town.

So there you have it. I've been going non-stop for almost a month now. From France, to Miami, to Georgia, to Orlando and back. It's a little different now. My parent's have moved from the house I grew up in and now they are to move again. All our stuff is in boxes and everyday is like a maze game trying to get to our belongings.

This year I head back to Southern. This will be the first time for me, that I take all that I own to school. I don't have a home after this. I mean, technically I can always go back to the house my parents are living at but this year marks a lot of change going on in my life. It won't be easy, this new life style.

A few years ago, I would have painted an ideal setting for my life. I would have told you precisely everything I would accomplish and by what time, who I would have married, where I would be living and what my career would entail. Then real life kicked in. People left, died, grew-up, hearts got broken, changed, moved and nothing went according to plan. I am in the process of still learning the power of the God I serve, who gets me through everything. Having a home, a place for refuge to go to and just leave all my stuff has always been there for me and now it's not.
Well, I guess this is the part where "Home is where the heart is" comes in. Except I'm not sure where my heart is yet.